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Once a week I will post the newest Darwin Awards story. The event may have taken place long before I post it, so dont go and try to look these stories up. Longer stories will have a link, while shorter ones will be posted directly on my site. 10/28/01-
Phil, a curious Philadelphia resident, wondered what it felt like to be hit by a bullet so he took a gun and shot himself in the shoulder. This sent the ambulance racing to Phil's residence for the second time, to treat another gunshot wound. Why did he do it, not once but twice? In Phil's own words, "I wanted to see if it hurt as much as it did the first time." 10/14/01-
A prisoner in the new Allegheny County Jail in Pittsburgh attempted to evade his punishment by engineering an escape from his confinement. Jerome constructed a hundred-foot rope of bedsheets, broke through a supposedly shatter-proof cell window, began to climb to freedom down his makeshift ladder.
It is not known whether his plan took into account the curiosity of drivers on the busy street and Liberty Bridge below. It certainly did not take into account the sharp edges of the glass, the worn nature of the bedsheet, nor the great distance to the pavement. The bottom of the knotted bedsheet was 86 feet short of the ground. But our hero did not reach the end of the rope. The window pane sliced through the weak cloth and dropped him to his untidy demise 150 feet below.
10/7/01-
A $200,000 fine was levied against a construction firm for the deaths of two workers. The two 28-year-old men, reportedly experienced in their work, fell 100 feet after drilling a hole through thick concrete without realizing they were standing in the center of the circle. Neither was wearing a safety harness to arrest his 8-story plunge. 9/30/01-
When his brakes failed while driving down a steep mountain road, Marco bailed out on his eight passengers and leapt from his Dodge van. Too bad Marco didn't alert the other
occupants to the problem before he took flight so precipitously.Another passenger was able to bring the vehicle to a stop a short distance away. Marco struck his head on the pavement and died at the scene. No one else was injured.
Here is a taste of what is to come in the following weeks: A 27-year-old white male resident of Wimbledon was arrested in a pumpkin patch on Friday, and charged with lewd behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect stated that he was driving past a pumpkin patch when he was overcome with an insatiable desire. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a jailhouse interview.
He pulled over, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "I guess I was just really into it," he commented with evident embarrassment.
The man failed to notice the approach of a Wimbledon Municipal police car, and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said the officer. "I walked up and he's just working away at this pumpkin. I went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He was startled at first, then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?'"
Click on any of the links below to get more hilarious stories: Scrotum Self Repair Airbag Weapons |
